A beginner's guide to couples' toys

Couples' toys are designed to be shared — they add something new without taking anything away. Here's how to find a good fit for the two of you.

Start with the conversation

Bringing up toys can feel awkward, but framing it as something to explore together helps. Browse together, share a guide like this one, or start with something low-key such as conversation cards or a massage candle.

The main types

• Wearable couples' vibrators — flexible, hands-free designs worn during intimacy. Look for an adjustable fit and a remote.
• Vibrating rings — simple, affordable and a popular first couples' toy.
• Remote and app-controlled toys — one partner wears, the other controls. Great for playful date nights, and app versions work over long distances.
• Kits — curated sets that combine a toy, lube and something sensual like a massage candle. A lovely gift.

What to look for

• Fit and flexibility — bendable silicone adapts to different bodies.
• Quiet motors — so the toy adds to the moment rather than drowning it out.
• Simple controls — a remote you can use without looking.
• Privacy — for app toys, check that the app doesn't require an account or store data you're not comfortable with.

Making it work

Take it slowly the first time, start on low settings and keep a water-based lube handy. If something doesn't quite work, that's useful information, not a failure.

Tip: add both your names to a shared wishlist and surprise each other.